Forever, we have believed that the giver of all thingz good is God himself. Then who is it that gives us the bad, the ugly and the terrible ?Guess, the anwser lies buried deep somewhere in the mind that often tricks us into seeing ourselves as targeted victims or as objects being tested by GOD.
What we tend to loose in such times, is not the material or social wealth that we may have garnered but faith, patience and strength in our own belief about the supremacy of the ultimate power.
It is the mind that exaggerates the importance of such material and physical wealth and overhypes our body reaction to its perceived loss or erosion. In effect, it tends to overwrite our innate faith that whatever God wills, is for our benefit. The giver of all things bad and ugly is therefore not the unfortunate circumstance or the scheming individual but the mind that gives it more importance than it deserves!
I have over the years developed a way to psyche myself into believing that I have everything in plenty - money, recognition, love, success, everything..In situations which give me less than expected or take away something unexpectedly, i tend not to worry for i believe that more good will come to me, because it belongs to me and because the Giver of all things good is always with me.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Janta bole Naa toh Naa
Congress surprised itself and others! But what a relief, its been to see every kingmaker cut down to size. Paswan, Lalu, Jaya Amma, Mayawati, Mulayam Singh, Amar Singh, Pawar, Ramadoss, Vaiko, Shibu Soren, even former trouble makers like Bagarappa, AR Antulay and assorted criminals in UP, Bihar, MP- contesting across parties have been either booted out or have come back with diminished mandates! Way to go.
While everybody would like to annoint Rahul G as the latest messiah, I have an interesting take and wd like to point out the role played by the media in general in shaping our collective approach towards politicians, this time around.
These are ads, films and television exposes with political overtones that have been aired over the last 3-4 years. These have sub consciously raised our level of expectation from the political establishement and in a way also influenced our behaviour when it counted.
a) Tata Tea - remember the politician who is accosted by a calm young man and asked for his qualification to run the country !!
b) Idea Cellular - janta bole Naa to Naa.
c) Rang De Basanti - the film with Aamir as protoganist and its unabashed angst against the political class.
d) Crusades run by TV channels (specifically NDTV) towards exposing the politician criminal nexus while covering the BMW case, the Jessical murder trial, etc
e) Lead India and Bleed India campaigns run by TOI.
i think collectively all these gave vent to our cynisim towards politicians and helped formulate a sharper response towards both corrupt politicians as well as those who seek to divide and rule.
And as far as Rahul G is concerned, i still think, Chaddi pahen ke Fool khila hai.....fool khila hai.
While everybody would like to annoint Rahul G as the latest messiah, I have an interesting take and wd like to point out the role played by the media in general in shaping our collective approach towards politicians, this time around.
These are ads, films and television exposes with political overtones that have been aired over the last 3-4 years. These have sub consciously raised our level of expectation from the political establishement and in a way also influenced our behaviour when it counted.
a) Tata Tea - remember the politician who is accosted by a calm young man and asked for his qualification to run the country !!
b) Idea Cellular - janta bole Naa to Naa.
c) Rang De Basanti - the film with Aamir as protoganist and its unabashed angst against the political class.
d) Crusades run by TV channels (specifically NDTV) towards exposing the politician criminal nexus while covering the BMW case, the Jessical murder trial, etc
e) Lead India and Bleed India campaigns run by TOI.
i think collectively all these gave vent to our cynisim towards politicians and helped formulate a sharper response towards both corrupt politicians as well as those who seek to divide and rule.
And as far as Rahul G is concerned, i still think, Chaddi pahen ke Fool khila hai.....fool khila hai.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Political Supermarket ka entertainment
Welcome to the Indian Political supermarket - where you get all possible creatures of the animal kingdom under one roof.
Beautifully displayed in this great Haat are political animals of all kinds - ranging from asses, horses, buffaloes, vultures, hyneas and tigers. All freshly washed, sorted and neatly lined up. A casual view showcases their fresh and attractive appeal, pleasant demeanour and their colgate smiles. But touch them, feel them, question them and you know their core is nothing but sheer crassness, deadly fangs and gnawing teeth. One moment you observe them making the right diplomatic announcements and overtures, giving the right bytes to the paparazzi and just the next they would be changing colour, contracdicting what they said earlier.
The smiles and cordiality displayed is misleading. Animals like Chiranjeevi (Praja Rajyam), Ramadoss (PMK), Rao (TRS), my favourite Mayawati (BSP), Amar Singh and Mulayam (SP), Deve Gowda (whatever his party is called) and Jaya amma (AIADMK ) can make or break the next 5 years of our country. Each is masquerading as a saviour when he or she is nothing more than a lowly pimp, whoring around to sell his MPs to the highest bidder and promises of political gain in his or her home state.
What is chilling is that not one of them, even vaguely, has an agenda for the country ! Its not that others like the Congress or BJP have one, but atleast they have intellectuals who can cobble up one and can respectfully represent and simultaneously do good for the country.
The fact that we would see another election and a spend of 15-20000 Cr again from the central exchequer within 2 years, at a time when the macro economic environment is floundering, could possibly imply increased prices, increased taxes and an increased cost of living in general. That the government would be spending most of the time in managing its disparate allies and their contradictory demands, would mean reduced time for governance and lower focus on issues that truly matter. Plus there is a real and grave danger of being saddled with less than competent people who could severely compromise the image and face that our country has built over the last couple of years on the world stage.
Beautifully displayed in this great Haat are political animals of all kinds - ranging from asses, horses, buffaloes, vultures, hyneas and tigers. All freshly washed, sorted and neatly lined up. A casual view showcases their fresh and attractive appeal, pleasant demeanour and their colgate smiles. But touch them, feel them, question them and you know their core is nothing but sheer crassness, deadly fangs and gnawing teeth. One moment you observe them making the right diplomatic announcements and overtures, giving the right bytes to the paparazzi and just the next they would be changing colour, contracdicting what they said earlier.
The smiles and cordiality displayed is misleading. Animals like Chiranjeevi (Praja Rajyam), Ramadoss (PMK), Rao (TRS), my favourite Mayawati (BSP), Amar Singh and Mulayam (SP), Deve Gowda (whatever his party is called) and Jaya amma (AIADMK ) can make or break the next 5 years of our country. Each is masquerading as a saviour when he or she is nothing more than a lowly pimp, whoring around to sell his MPs to the highest bidder and promises of political gain in his or her home state.
What is chilling is that not one of them, even vaguely, has an agenda for the country ! Its not that others like the Congress or BJP have one, but atleast they have intellectuals who can cobble up one and can respectfully represent and simultaneously do good for the country.
The fact that we would see another election and a spend of 15-20000 Cr again from the central exchequer within 2 years, at a time when the macro economic environment is floundering, could possibly imply increased prices, increased taxes and an increased cost of living in general. That the government would be spending most of the time in managing its disparate allies and their contradictory demands, would mean reduced time for governance and lower focus on issues that truly matter. Plus there is a real and grave danger of being saddled with less than competent people who could severely compromise the image and face that our country has built over the last couple of years on the world stage.
Meanwhile, for another 7 days or so, this supermarket show will go on. Wares are being lined up for sale. Parties are busy changing the point of sale merchandising - announcing new Buy 1, get1 free offers, new improved pricing and using spit and polish to keep the wares looking attractive. Party bosses have begun shopping. Selected animals are being picked and placed in their shopping carts while some other displayed animals are being turned upside down to check their pricing labels. Some animals after having been purchased are even seen jumping shopping carts.
Actually this is not Politics. This is entertainment masquerading as Politics.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Jarnail Unleashes Shu-nami
The current electoral battle reminds me of a C grade movie. One with C grade actors mouthing tuneless songs, sidekicks unleashing absurd humour and in general an insipid narrative that gets you to either run for cover or produce infectious yawns even before it has started off. Never before has one witnessed an election that is so issue-less, crass or dull. One is continuously being subjected to stale jokes, staler diatribe between the lead protagonists and stinking -sinking standards of political debate.
The only bright spark, one must admit has come from the innovative iraqi who has inspired many a sardaar to perfect the art of gently lobbing a sneaker and making a point, howsoever pointless.
Welcome to the new age journalist indulging in "Jarnailism" when not reporting obscure stories. What Jarnail Singh has unleashed is a virtual "Shu-nami". Within a fortnight, atleast 4 more politicos have been targeted by different brands of shoes in different parts of the country. Am sure that Madhur bhandarkar must be itching to announce a grandiose plan to direct a film around this "historic s(ho)e-ries of events".
While this mega event led to some "has been" politicos being "shoo-ed out", for me, it has served as an inspiration to draft my own list of favourites from diverse fields, who must be "booted out" - figuratively - if we were to save our senses from being continuously assaulted.
The only bright spark, one must admit has come from the innovative iraqi who has inspired many a sardaar to perfect the art of gently lobbing a sneaker and making a point, howsoever pointless.
Welcome to the new age journalist indulging in "Jarnailism" when not reporting obscure stories. What Jarnail Singh has unleashed is a virtual "Shu-nami". Within a fortnight, atleast 4 more politicos have been targeted by different brands of shoes in different parts of the country. Am sure that Madhur bhandarkar must be itching to announce a grandiose plan to direct a film around this "historic s(ho)e-ries of events".
While this mega event led to some "has been" politicos being "shoo-ed out", for me, it has served as an inspiration to draft my own list of favourites from diverse fields, who must be "booted out" - figuratively - if we were to save our senses from being continuously assaulted.
- Southern Sleepies : Karunanidhi & devegowda : for being the most ugly political faces on TV.
- the buffalo brigade - Mulayam, Maya and Mamta -for wanting to take India back to the 18th century - sans computers, english, cars,,,........!
- The Sawant shows : Rakhi Sawant - for turning herself into a bigger spectacle by aping Jade Goody. God help her and the guy she gets married to in front of a live TV audience!!
- Sagarika Ghosh, Rajdeep Sardesi and Karan Thapar - for loving their own voices and forgetting why they invite guests to their studios.
- Sonia Gandhi's Hindi or "wiper arm" tactics - dont mind the face or personality. but please i cant see her arm waving tactics and cant bear to hear her for another 5 years
Shoo kar mere man ko kiya tune kya ishaara....
Can more jarnail Singhs please stand up!
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Naya job, Purana formula !
As i start a new job, am again faced with the same task that can make or break any stint.
this is the task of gaining acceptance of the people around.
Have earlier in my career had a terrible experience when a superfluous boss deliberately created attrition and friction as a way of creating space for himself within the organisation. He first made judgements about people and then went about justifying them. I later realised that he was one of many who follow this practice and that it was excruciatingly simple to fall into that trap. Today, fortunately i have been able to evolve my own rules.
These are the 6 simple rules of love, of mutual respect and understanding that work as well in real life and love as they work in the corporate world.
a) Dont talk. LISTEN ! -How many times have we heard this and yet we all love the sound of our voices. Take it from me. It is always wonderful to hear others talk. Specially in a new role in an organisation, avoid talking about your past job, role or achievements unless specifically asked. Never ever boast, rather underplay if you can. Talking about yourself raises barriers and prompts even sleeping Johns' to wake up and take a sniggering look. So hold your horses till there is sufficient camraderie and bonding with the team and the team understands you.
b) Dont CRITICIZE - No one is ugly, fat, lazy or dumb! They are all great. Dont look for opportunities to run down the current system and specifically ur predecessor. Restrain yourself Hold the diatribe, because one needs to first understand what the system really is. what makes it tick? survive ? thrive ?
c) BE OBJECTIVE - Dont beat around the bush if you are convinced about your understanding of the system or its practices and need to talk change - just cut out the criticism. Instead, be objective. Focus on what changes will a new proposed system bring in for the organisation. Dont make it people specific.
d) GENEROSITY - Like in life, everyone loves a good gift. Be generous, specifically to your predecessor - not in an artificial way and not to please anybody for sure but because you believe that whatever he did was not prompted by ulterior objectives but because he believed those actions were in the best interest of the organisation. Ur view on those actions could be different but there should be no doubt on the sincerity of purpose behind them. My observation is that the more one gives, the more one receives!!
Recognise the fact that Ur predecessor too could have emotions and sentimental attatchment with this role and maybe some uncertainty about his own future. Be generous to him and plan a grand farewell for him with the rest of the gang. Thats the least he deserves.
e) Have confidence. Give Responsibilty- give small projects with clear responsibilities to those who you think can contribute. It doesnt matter what level they are at. Appreciate little gains. Celebrate.
f) BE POSITIVE. - God created us to be positive, to unite others and to move forward. Never divide the team. On the contrary, create a positive atmosphere that encourages people to think, to stretch while still having fun. Get teams and individuals to understand the role played by others. Get them on the same platform. Communicate !!
and there are 3 more rules - contributed by my friend Susmita - which are just as important
g) WILLINGNESS TO LEARN from peers/juniors who have been in the system for much longer and definitely know more about the category/business/bosses more than you do. Juniors especially provide a lot of information about people and processes as they are usually eager to please and therefore more willing to share. Respect for their knowledge/expertise helps one learn the business much faster.
h) BLEND IN NOT OUT - Go with the crowd in most things( if everybody eats in the canteen and you would prefer ghar ka khana, at least a couple of times a week, go along or take your dabba and eat with them. So, esp for women, if everybody wears salwar kurtas, avoid westerns; if everybody has kids, don't talk about what a pain in the a... you often find them to be.
i) CHARM the HR & FINANCE team - (though am not personally sure of this) - i do see some merit in this. But this could vary from one organisation to the other and the relative importance and visibility of these functions within the organisation.
Over the years have concluded that there is enough and more for each individual to do and to achieve. I believe that as much as all of us, even the universe wants us to succeed. We just need to believe that and have confidence in our own ability and in the capability of the team to spring positive surprises and deliver better results. We need to stop our primal instincts of pettiness, of hatred and of making premature judgements about others. We need to let love, patience and belief take over. Respect for people in the team, aknowledgement of their contribution and an understanding of their working styles, their problems, their styles of thinking, need to be all respected.
This is a fail safe formula to gain acceptance in a new system, a new role and in a new organisation. It guarantees not just entry into the team but a team that gradually learns and adapts to play, laugh and work together minus the stress.
this is the task of gaining acceptance of the people around.
Have earlier in my career had a terrible experience when a superfluous boss deliberately created attrition and friction as a way of creating space for himself within the organisation. He first made judgements about people and then went about justifying them. I later realised that he was one of many who follow this practice and that it was excruciatingly simple to fall into that trap. Today, fortunately i have been able to evolve my own rules.
These are the 6 simple rules of love, of mutual respect and understanding that work as well in real life and love as they work in the corporate world.
a) Dont talk. LISTEN ! -How many times have we heard this and yet we all love the sound of our voices. Take it from me. It is always wonderful to hear others talk. Specially in a new role in an organisation, avoid talking about your past job, role or achievements unless specifically asked. Never ever boast, rather underplay if you can. Talking about yourself raises barriers and prompts even sleeping Johns' to wake up and take a sniggering look. So hold your horses till there is sufficient camraderie and bonding with the team and the team understands you.
b) Dont CRITICIZE - No one is ugly, fat, lazy or dumb! They are all great. Dont look for opportunities to run down the current system and specifically ur predecessor. Restrain yourself Hold the diatribe, because one needs to first understand what the system really is. what makes it tick? survive ? thrive ?
c) BE OBJECTIVE - Dont beat around the bush if you are convinced about your understanding of the system or its practices and need to talk change - just cut out the criticism. Instead, be objective. Focus on what changes will a new proposed system bring in for the organisation. Dont make it people specific.
d) GENEROSITY - Like in life, everyone loves a good gift. Be generous, specifically to your predecessor - not in an artificial way and not to please anybody for sure but because you believe that whatever he did was not prompted by ulterior objectives but because he believed those actions were in the best interest of the organisation. Ur view on those actions could be different but there should be no doubt on the sincerity of purpose behind them. My observation is that the more one gives, the more one receives!!
Recognise the fact that Ur predecessor too could have emotions and sentimental attatchment with this role and maybe some uncertainty about his own future. Be generous to him and plan a grand farewell for him with the rest of the gang. Thats the least he deserves.
e) Have confidence. Give Responsibilty- give small projects with clear responsibilities to those who you think can contribute. It doesnt matter what level they are at. Appreciate little gains. Celebrate.
f) BE POSITIVE. - God created us to be positive, to unite others and to move forward. Never divide the team. On the contrary, create a positive atmosphere that encourages people to think, to stretch while still having fun. Get teams and individuals to understand the role played by others. Get them on the same platform. Communicate !!
and there are 3 more rules - contributed by my friend Susmita - which are just as important
g) WILLINGNESS TO LEARN from peers/juniors who have been in the system for much longer and definitely know more about the category/business/bosses more than you do. Juniors especially provide a lot of information about people and processes as they are usually eager to please and therefore more willing to share. Respect for their knowledge/expertise helps one learn the business much faster.
h) BLEND IN NOT OUT - Go with the crowd in most things( if everybody eats in the canteen and you would prefer ghar ka khana, at least a couple of times a week, go along or take your dabba and eat with them. So, esp for women, if everybody wears salwar kurtas, avoid westerns; if everybody has kids, don't talk about what a pain in the a... you often find them to be.
i) CHARM the HR & FINANCE team - (though am not personally sure of this) - i do see some merit in this. But this could vary from one organisation to the other and the relative importance and visibility of these functions within the organisation.
Over the years have concluded that there is enough and more for each individual to do and to achieve. I believe that as much as all of us, even the universe wants us to succeed. We just need to believe that and have confidence in our own ability and in the capability of the team to spring positive surprises and deliver better results. We need to stop our primal instincts of pettiness, of hatred and of making premature judgements about others. We need to let love, patience and belief take over. Respect for people in the team, aknowledgement of their contribution and an understanding of their working styles, their problems, their styles of thinking, need to be all respected.
This is a fail safe formula to gain acceptance in a new system, a new role and in a new organisation. It guarantees not just entry into the team but a team that gradually learns and adapts to play, laugh and work together minus the stress.
Monday, March 16, 2009
The fading colours of Holi
Every passing year, for the past few years, Holi has turned a damper squib than the previous years. Plummeting rapidly is the excitement, the planning and the sheer joy associated with it. At one level, given that this used to be amongst the two or three biggest festivals for most of India (except in the south), it is indeed shocking. But at another level, it is to be expected. And there are several reasons for that.
Unlike Diwali, Holi doesnt have any linked in commercial aspects. Indians dont buy new clothes for Holi. Houses dont get re-painted and neither do durable purchases happen around the time. No gifting of sweets, dry fruits, chocolates or sundry items happens either. Houses are not decorated for the occassion. Sadly, Holi therefore, lacks relevance for manufacturers and marketeers. Consquently, no advertiser worth his salt (except Parachute hair oil) uses the occassion to sell his products or build hype around it. In the current context, lower hype leads to lower visibility, lower energy, lower consumer desire and therefore a feeling of "whats the loss - if avoided ?." The zing is gone and its not a "must do" anymore.
The relatively weaker religious significance of Holi (as compared to Diwali) is also unfortunately responsible for its fading sheen.
Worse its timing usually coincides with examination season.With every passing year enhancing the "getting hyper quotient" amongst succeeding generation of parents, we have young parents worrying about their kids catching a cold, if drenched in water. Not sitting in judgement here, but it really saddens my heart.
Some of the other reasons seem to be increasingly nuclear families and absence of large posse of friends and family -who are in the same unabashed mood of celebration that you would like to be in and which is so critical for a festival like this. Somehow, your real friends never seem to be with you and there is always a smoke screen with those who are with you.
An increasing number of people also have decided that they dislike this festival, not necessarily for any concrete reason. Some dont like being touched or coloured. Proliferation of prudes and stand-offish-ness, for a celebration that can be such a source of joy - is annoying.
Even bollywood - the barometer of Indian cultural trends - has stopped eulogising Holi now. "Hori khele raghuveera awadh mein" from i think "baghban" -was a good 6-7 years ago. Also, gone are the wild parties at RK Studios and Bachchan's mansion.
It is therefore almost destined that some years down the road, Valentines day, Mothers and Fathers day celebrations would be bigger and more colourful than our own festivals like Holi, unless 4-5 Indian corporates can find reason enough to latch onto this festival and promote it over a continuous period of 8-10 years.
Else, while some of us would continue to live with sparkling & colourful memories of family and friendly bonding over Gulal, buckets of coloured water, gubbarre, gujiya and thandai, the evolving generation would be too busy with their blackberrys, presentations or sundry other colourless activities to bother anyways. "Tollees of friends spreading cheer, goodwill and creating everlasting memories of bonhomie" seem headed for extinction.
We risk loosing a source of joy, togetherness, bonding and a lifetime of memories. That to me is reason enough to try and lead the change. I am as guilty of not being in the forefront and not celebrating it with as much zest in the last few years. But i do see my mistake.really.
From now on, i am clear. I will plan for, play and celebrate it like never before. That, i guess is the only way to preserve it for my children.
Unlike Diwali, Holi doesnt have any linked in commercial aspects. Indians dont buy new clothes for Holi. Houses dont get re-painted and neither do durable purchases happen around the time. No gifting of sweets, dry fruits, chocolates or sundry items happens either. Houses are not decorated for the occassion. Sadly, Holi therefore, lacks relevance for manufacturers and marketeers. Consquently, no advertiser worth his salt (except Parachute hair oil) uses the occassion to sell his products or build hype around it. In the current context, lower hype leads to lower visibility, lower energy, lower consumer desire and therefore a feeling of "whats the loss - if avoided ?." The zing is gone and its not a "must do" anymore.
The relatively weaker religious significance of Holi (as compared to Diwali) is also unfortunately responsible for its fading sheen.
Worse its timing usually coincides with examination season.With every passing year enhancing the "getting hyper quotient" amongst succeeding generation of parents, we have young parents worrying about their kids catching a cold, if drenched in water. Not sitting in judgement here, but it really saddens my heart.
Some of the other reasons seem to be increasingly nuclear families and absence of large posse of friends and family -who are in the same unabashed mood of celebration that you would like to be in and which is so critical for a festival like this. Somehow, your real friends never seem to be with you and there is always a smoke screen with those who are with you.
An increasing number of people also have decided that they dislike this festival, not necessarily for any concrete reason. Some dont like being touched or coloured. Proliferation of prudes and stand-offish-ness, for a celebration that can be such a source of joy - is annoying.
Even bollywood - the barometer of Indian cultural trends - has stopped eulogising Holi now. "Hori khele raghuveera awadh mein" from i think "baghban" -was a good 6-7 years ago. Also, gone are the wild parties at RK Studios and Bachchan's mansion.
It is therefore almost destined that some years down the road, Valentines day, Mothers and Fathers day celebrations would be bigger and more colourful than our own festivals like Holi, unless 4-5 Indian corporates can find reason enough to latch onto this festival and promote it over a continuous period of 8-10 years.
Else, while some of us would continue to live with sparkling & colourful memories of family and friendly bonding over Gulal, buckets of coloured water, gubbarre, gujiya and thandai, the evolving generation would be too busy with their blackberrys, presentations or sundry other colourless activities to bother anyways. "Tollees of friends spreading cheer, goodwill and creating everlasting memories of bonhomie" seem headed for extinction.
We risk loosing a source of joy, togetherness, bonding and a lifetime of memories. That to me is reason enough to try and lead the change. I am as guilty of not being in the forefront and not celebrating it with as much zest in the last few years. But i do see my mistake.really.
From now on, i am clear. I will plan for, play and celebrate it like never before. That, i guess is the only way to preserve it for my children.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Pol(l)e Dance
"Aa Dekhen Zara, kisme kitna hai dam, jam ke rakhna kadam, mere saathiya...aaaa!"
No, this aint about the latest film release or cricket match. This is a bollywood inspired, tongue in cheek, dekko at the once in every 5 year charade called Polls.
To enjoy this, you need to sing the songs and graphically imagine what is described...
Poll Dates have been announced. Weary Congressmen are re-doing their poll calculations, knowing that that they stand little chance on their own. Standing outside the pearly gates of 10 Janpath, their light hum is turning into a raucous chorus...
Scene 1 : Congress HQ - Congressmen move to the beat of - "Chal, Chal, Chal mere Haathi, o mere saathi, chal le chal khataara kheench ke, chal yaar dhakka maar..............."
Sonia is however busy. Very Busy. She needs to go on national television with a seemingly improptu speech about Rahul Jee. For this momentous occasion she is memorising "jangal, jangal baat chali hai, pata chala hai, chaddi pehen ke "fool" khila hai, "fool" khila hai.."
(you have to sing this sonia style)
Scene 2 : Sonia knows that to win, she must find allies -like or unlike minded (doesnt matter !). As she glances on the India map, her brows raised and mind in turmoil, out pops Mehbooba Mufti from J&K -
"Kashmir ki kali hoon mein, mujhse na rootho sonia jee, murjha gayi toh phir na khiloongee, kabhi nahin, kabhi nahin, kabhi nahin." This warning is to ostensibly prevent sonia from cosying up to the newest blue eyed baba called Omar.
Sonia decides to reward Mehbooba for her singing skills with a Pre Poll alliance and keeps Omar in the bag for a possible post poll affair as afterall, blue eyed kashmiri baba is her "chaddi fools'" good friend.
Scene 3 : with 1 in her bag, she now turns to UP, where there are two or perhaps more in the bush. She first sets her gaze on "Massakali" - the proverbial pigeon (and my favourite buffalo) amongst politicians - Maya. But Maya is Maya. She is content dancing all by herself as the background music reverberates
" Massakali, o massakali, ud matak-kali, matakkali, zara bam ko jhatak, thodi dhool atak, thoda lachak, machak ke door bhatak, kasbe kooche, gali, nukkad mein poori karle dil kee tamanna, hawa mein ud, itadi se mur, aur ud jaa furr furr"
She doesnt as much as even acknowledge Sonia's presence. Sonia decides to get even and orders the latest CBI case traps to ground this high flying pigeon.
Just as she is doing this, she hears the strains of Mulayam and Amar's voices coming from behind the bushes..
Jaane Jaan, dhoonta phir raha, hoon tumhe raat din, tum kahan,
sonia - mein yahan, tum kahan ? Mujhko awaaz do....
They finally meet. But the meeting is vitriolic. Sonia is clear that she wants more seats. She approaches Raj babbar, Ajit Singh & some disgruntled SP partymen and even wants to open parleys with massakali ...
a bitter Mulayam wails out aloud - "O haseena zulfon waali, jaane jahan, dhoondti hain kaafir ankhen kiska nishan, mehfil-mehfil o shama..phirti ho kahan..."
Sonia -"mein deewana dhoondti hoon..... woh parwana dhoondti hoon"
till news last came in - they were still playing antakshari.
Scene 4 - With the disappointment of UP still plaguing her, Sonia moves on to Bihar - where Lalu waits for her with baited breath. Just as he sights her, he breaks into verse -
"Sau saal pehle, hamein tumse pyaar tha, hamen tumse pyaar tha, aaj bhi hai aur kal bhi rahega". With Lalu and clan jumping on their own into her bag, Sonia finally smiles that elusive smile.
Scene 5 : She wastes no time and hops on to West Bengal where the task is decidedly tougher.
This calls for more than a song. She knows she herself will have to shake a leg.
"Jitne bhi too kar le sitam, Has has ke sahenge ham. Yeh pyaar no hoga kam, mamta teri kasam, ooo sanam teri kasam."
Mamta is many times bitten, but never shy. She understands that if she has to match the Red brigade, she needs some strong Italian shoulders to stand on and that this could be her make or break chance in national politics. She obliges and cajoles Sonia to perform the ultimate item song together in Kolkata - The music begins..
Dola, dola re, dola re, dola re, do, lahi do laavan doh, lai doh..dola."
(this is sonia and mamta in white sarees with red borders, jigging in tandem against a red backdrop in down town Kolkatta)
The heavy duty synchronized choreography of these two virtually shakes up the red bastion for once. They all seem worried, harried and stirred..
But just as that scene is unfolding, Sonia seems to have trouble with her favourite sharad pawar. he seems to have stuck a dostana with some sena types in maharashtra.
Scene 6 : She watches in open mouthed horror as Sharad gyrates to "Maa ka laadla bigad gaya, munda saada doli chad gaya, band baj gaya..."while bal, uddhav and gang join the dance fest as baraatis.... She knows, this dostana can be fatal and needs to be halted NOW.
She pushes a soother down his mouth and before you know it, the scene changes to reveal sonia in her most matronly avataar singing the eternal lullaby-
"sooraj hai too, mera chanda hai too, O meri aankhon ka taara hai too..."
As she drops Sharad in her bag and departs, you see him pop his head out of the bag, and knowingly wink at Bal thakeray, almost saying, i will be back buddy.
Scene 7 : Sonia meanwhile moves to chennai to have "filtar caffee" with her old pal Karunanidhi. Our man rises to the occassion to perform with earnestness - "Hamein Kaale hain to kya hua, dilwaale hain...hum tere tere tere chahne waale hain" . This expected result relaxes sonia. As she congratulates Karuna for his fine dancing skills, the southern spice, the buxom J.Lalitha breaks into an improptu "Mungda" , just outside the door.
"Mungda, Mungda, mein gud ki dali, mangti hai toh aaja sonia, naahi toh mein toh chali.."
hinting that she wd not be averse to tying up with the NDA.
Sonia is no masochist. She is clear that she cant inflict more pain on herself than what Mamta, Sharad and her "partners in the bush" in UP will give her. She ignores the Mungda for now, but promises to watch the spicy show exclusively, post elections.
Scene 8 : The BJP camp in comparison is a a picture of disarray. The party-wallas have pulled out their old warhorse - Advani -and are busy beating it to shape...
"lakdi ki kaathi, kaathi pe ghoda, ghode ki dum pe jo maara hathora, daura, daura, daura ghora...dum daba ke daura"
But everytime they seem to put a nail in his backside, the ghora (war horse) sets off on a tangent - "Mein nikla gaddi (Rath Yatra) leke, o sarak pe, raste mein, ik Ram mandir aaya, mein utthe dil chhod aaya.."
He is incorrigible. He is still talking of ayodhya. His party's record has got stuck on 26/11, though. Most of the earlier allies seem uncomfortable with this ghora.
Scene 9 : Assorted Filmstars have just discovered their love for India and for the country's poor. They are busy reconstructing the lives of their mothers / fathers/Uncles / aunties / brothers / in laws/ Chachas and Chachis to figure where their clan could have spent some weeks and months of their lives and whether contesting from a particular constituency could be termed homecoming and a tribute to their family.
All stars - including Sanjay Dutt, Nagma, Smriti Irani, Shatrughan Sinha, Preity Zinta, Raj Babbar, Jaya Bachhan, Jaya Prada, Azharuddin et-al have been thrown inside a stadium and the politicos have pitched their tents on the ringside. Each camp now does an inspired version of Jai ho to decide who gets whom...
" aaja, aaja jind mere shaamiyane ke tale, aaja zari waale neele aasman ke tale, Jai ho, Jai Ho!"
Scene 10 : The silent era hero emerges now. Prakash Karat who has been inconsipicuous and vague all this while, decides to break his self imposed silence. but just about..
"Mere dil mein aaj kya hai, tu kahe toh main batadoon, teri zulf phir sawaroon, teri maang phir saja doon...."
No, this aint about the latest film release or cricket match. This is a bollywood inspired, tongue in cheek, dekko at the once in every 5 year charade called Polls.
To enjoy this, you need to sing the songs and graphically imagine what is described...
Poll Dates have been announced. Weary Congressmen are re-doing their poll calculations, knowing that that they stand little chance on their own. Standing outside the pearly gates of 10 Janpath, their light hum is turning into a raucous chorus...
Scene 1 : Congress HQ - Congressmen move to the beat of - "Chal, Chal, Chal mere Haathi, o mere saathi, chal le chal khataara kheench ke, chal yaar dhakka maar..............."
Sonia is however busy. Very Busy. She needs to go on national television with a seemingly improptu speech about Rahul Jee. For this momentous occasion she is memorising "jangal, jangal baat chali hai, pata chala hai, chaddi pehen ke "fool" khila hai, "fool" khila hai.."
(you have to sing this sonia style)
Scene 2 : Sonia knows that to win, she must find allies -like or unlike minded (doesnt matter !). As she glances on the India map, her brows raised and mind in turmoil, out pops Mehbooba Mufti from J&K -
"Kashmir ki kali hoon mein, mujhse na rootho sonia jee, murjha gayi toh phir na khiloongee, kabhi nahin, kabhi nahin, kabhi nahin." This warning is to ostensibly prevent sonia from cosying up to the newest blue eyed baba called Omar.
Sonia decides to reward Mehbooba for her singing skills with a Pre Poll alliance and keeps Omar in the bag for a possible post poll affair as afterall, blue eyed kashmiri baba is her "chaddi fools'" good friend.
Scene 3 : with 1 in her bag, she now turns to UP, where there are two or perhaps more in the bush. She first sets her gaze on "Massakali" - the proverbial pigeon (and my favourite buffalo) amongst politicians - Maya. But Maya is Maya. She is content dancing all by herself as the background music reverberates
" Massakali, o massakali, ud matak-kali, matakkali, zara bam ko jhatak, thodi dhool atak, thoda lachak, machak ke door bhatak, kasbe kooche, gali, nukkad mein poori karle dil kee tamanna, hawa mein ud, itadi se mur, aur ud jaa furr furr"
She doesnt as much as even acknowledge Sonia's presence. Sonia decides to get even and orders the latest CBI case traps to ground this high flying pigeon.
Just as she is doing this, she hears the strains of Mulayam and Amar's voices coming from behind the bushes..
Jaane Jaan, dhoonta phir raha, hoon tumhe raat din, tum kahan,
sonia - mein yahan, tum kahan ? Mujhko awaaz do....
They finally meet. But the meeting is vitriolic. Sonia is clear that she wants more seats. She approaches Raj babbar, Ajit Singh & some disgruntled SP partymen and even wants to open parleys with massakali ...
a bitter Mulayam wails out aloud - "O haseena zulfon waali, jaane jahan, dhoondti hain kaafir ankhen kiska nishan, mehfil-mehfil o shama..phirti ho kahan..."
Sonia -"mein deewana dhoondti hoon..... woh parwana dhoondti hoon"
till news last came in - they were still playing antakshari.
Scene 4 - With the disappointment of UP still plaguing her, Sonia moves on to Bihar - where Lalu waits for her with baited breath. Just as he sights her, he breaks into verse -
"Sau saal pehle, hamein tumse pyaar tha, hamen tumse pyaar tha, aaj bhi hai aur kal bhi rahega". With Lalu and clan jumping on their own into her bag, Sonia finally smiles that elusive smile.
Scene 5 : She wastes no time and hops on to West Bengal where the task is decidedly tougher.
This calls for more than a song. She knows she herself will have to shake a leg.
"Jitne bhi too kar le sitam, Has has ke sahenge ham. Yeh pyaar no hoga kam, mamta teri kasam, ooo sanam teri kasam."
Mamta is many times bitten, but never shy. She understands that if she has to match the Red brigade, she needs some strong Italian shoulders to stand on and that this could be her make or break chance in national politics. She obliges and cajoles Sonia to perform the ultimate item song together in Kolkata - The music begins..
Dola, dola re, dola re, dola re, do, lahi do laavan doh, lai doh..dola."
(this is sonia and mamta in white sarees with red borders, jigging in tandem against a red backdrop in down town Kolkatta)
The heavy duty synchronized choreography of these two virtually shakes up the red bastion for once. They all seem worried, harried and stirred..
But just as that scene is unfolding, Sonia seems to have trouble with her favourite sharad pawar. he seems to have stuck a dostana with some sena types in maharashtra.
Scene 6 : She watches in open mouthed horror as Sharad gyrates to "Maa ka laadla bigad gaya, munda saada doli chad gaya, band baj gaya..."while bal, uddhav and gang join the dance fest as baraatis.... She knows, this dostana can be fatal and needs to be halted NOW.
She pushes a soother down his mouth and before you know it, the scene changes to reveal sonia in her most matronly avataar singing the eternal lullaby-
"sooraj hai too, mera chanda hai too, O meri aankhon ka taara hai too..."
As she drops Sharad in her bag and departs, you see him pop his head out of the bag, and knowingly wink at Bal thakeray, almost saying, i will be back buddy.
Scene 7 : Sonia meanwhile moves to chennai to have "filtar caffee" with her old pal Karunanidhi. Our man rises to the occassion to perform with earnestness - "Hamein Kaale hain to kya hua, dilwaale hain...hum tere tere tere chahne waale hain" . This expected result relaxes sonia. As she congratulates Karuna for his fine dancing skills, the southern spice, the buxom J.Lalitha breaks into an improptu "Mungda" , just outside the door.
"Mungda, Mungda, mein gud ki dali, mangti hai toh aaja sonia, naahi toh mein toh chali.."
hinting that she wd not be averse to tying up with the NDA.
Sonia is no masochist. She is clear that she cant inflict more pain on herself than what Mamta, Sharad and her "partners in the bush" in UP will give her. She ignores the Mungda for now, but promises to watch the spicy show exclusively, post elections.
Scene 8 : The BJP camp in comparison is a a picture of disarray. The party-wallas have pulled out their old warhorse - Advani -and are busy beating it to shape...
"lakdi ki kaathi, kaathi pe ghoda, ghode ki dum pe jo maara hathora, daura, daura, daura ghora...dum daba ke daura"
But everytime they seem to put a nail in his backside, the ghora (war horse) sets off on a tangent - "Mein nikla gaddi (Rath Yatra) leke, o sarak pe, raste mein, ik Ram mandir aaya, mein utthe dil chhod aaya.."
He is incorrigible. He is still talking of ayodhya. His party's record has got stuck on 26/11, though. Most of the earlier allies seem uncomfortable with this ghora.
Scene 9 : Assorted Filmstars have just discovered their love for India and for the country's poor. They are busy reconstructing the lives of their mothers / fathers/Uncles / aunties / brothers / in laws/ Chachas and Chachis to figure where their clan could have spent some weeks and months of their lives and whether contesting from a particular constituency could be termed homecoming and a tribute to their family.
All stars - including Sanjay Dutt, Nagma, Smriti Irani, Shatrughan Sinha, Preity Zinta, Raj Babbar, Jaya Bachhan, Jaya Prada, Azharuddin et-al have been thrown inside a stadium and the politicos have pitched their tents on the ringside. Each camp now does an inspired version of Jai ho to decide who gets whom...
" aaja, aaja jind mere shaamiyane ke tale, aaja zari waale neele aasman ke tale, Jai ho, Jai Ho!"
Scene 10 : The silent era hero emerges now. Prakash Karat who has been inconsipicuous and vague all this while, decides to break his self imposed silence. but just about..
"Mere dil mein aaj kya hai, tu kahe toh main batadoon, teri zulf phir sawaroon, teri maang phir saja doon...."
The only problem is one doesnt know whether he is singing this to Massakali or to Sonia or Mamta.
As the beats get louder, the incentives to join and leave parties are on in full swing. The bizarre scenario is devoid of any agenda, vision or credibility. Its just replete with opportunistic alliances, which we will soon be told are for the better-ment of the country. As the aam junta, we are expected to be blind, dumb & deaf and need to nod our heads vigorously as the cunning gorees, the corrupt chaila's and their hideous and asinine sidekicks deliver their sermons.
For the next 60 days till polling is over, all alliance partners will profess their undying love for each other by performing the ultimate poll dance to climax - "Mahi we, muhabattan sachiyan ne, mangda naseeba kucch hor hai..."
and heap scorn on and trade charges with the opposing parties.
- Soon to start will be Poll dance 2 - the season for new improved promises and slogans. More on that later.
Till then enjoy as they perform, "Koi hamse jeet na paawe, chale chalo, chale chalo, jo aave woh mit jaawe, chale chalo...!
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